My tug of war

So, I have TONS of blogging to catch up on, but every once in a while, I find our blog has become my place to vent and right now I feel that's what I need. I try to be positive or put a positive twist on everything and sometimes just getting it out of my system is all I need to relieve that tension and go on in all my happiness. So, the venting. It starts with mixed emotions about our move to Omaha in just 3 1/2 short months, but who's counting. I feel guilt and elation and I'll explain both. The two are completely intertwined because the guilt only exists because I am sooo, sooo very exited about our move! How can I not be?! I love adventure and change. I LOVE that the final leg of Frank's schooling is about to begin. I love the heat and from what I hear, I will not be disappointed in Omaha. I love our new town-home which is 1900 square feet and the previous tenants built a club house in the nook space under the stairs that go to the basement that Myles is going to LOVE. BASEMENT! Yes! We will have a basement!!! I love the idea of a fresh start with a new place, new people and new memories to be made. The ONLY thing I don't absolutely love about leaving Utah..... is leaving Utah! Yes, we have made some great friends here and yes, this is "The home land for the Latter-Day Saints", but our friends are mostly students and on there way out too and let's be honest, Utah could use more work than many other states as far as the Gospel goes. I love the idea of living in a place where people don't take the church for granted as much. It sounds so, very, harsh and judgmental, but the reason I feel that way is because I feel I have become just as complacent in some ways. Do I feel like this just because I am in Utah, no, but being here sure doesn't help. Do I feel that our move will change this, no, but I like the idea of my "family" being people in my ward who have just as much family in Omaha as I do so we'll try harder and rely on each other for support if for no other reason than because we have to. And that brings me to the reason why leaving Utah will be so hard. Family. Frank's parents bought a home that is only about an hour from us before they left on their mission to Germany last year so we will leave Utah and 6 months later they'll be here so we'll miss out on being so close to them. Three of Frank's siblings are in Utah. My dad and stepmom live just 45 minutes away and we are used to seeing them about every other week, at least. My grandparents and all but two of my aunts and uncles from both my parents sides are in Utah. Most of my siblings are still at home in Nevada with my mom and stepdad, but those of them who aren't are in Utah. Home for me is about 7 hours away from where we are now so it's already a long, tedious journey. Now add 2 kids and 14 more hours and my definition of long and tedious just got put into perspective. It wouldn't even be so bad if Myles didn't ask for many of his family members when we haven't seen them in a week or so and I can't help feeling that is how it should be. I grew up having very close relationships with my grandparents and aunts and uncles and I have always wanted that for my kids so how can I not feel so guilty taking them away from that? And, yeah, there is the possibility of coming back to Utah and we'll only be gone a few years, but what if I told you Utah is the last place we want to come back to? Maybe I'll get what's coming to me and Utah will be where we need to be in 3 years. It would be the ultimate trial for me and I'd deserve it, I'm sure, but there are 49 other states we can go to so the odds are in my favor. So, while I have plenty to feel guilty about, I've had a real struggle lately knowing we have more space, a fresh start, new people, and new adventures that are only 3 1/2 months away and I find myself counting down to the blessed day when our journey to Omaha begins.